Monday, September 24, 2012

life changes at a blink of an eye...

i started this blog over three years ago. only because my son jacob and enrique had asked me to. they both said, i should blog about my everyday life, document it... to my surprise enrique would read it.
it bothered him that i didn't post on a daily basis. he said, it didn't matter if i didn't think it was worth posting but whatever i did, i should document it. maybe he knew something i didn't... maybe he knew i would need those memories that i posted about in the past to remind me of the good times we shared.

the last 15 months have been the most darkest and hardest days of my life. i feel severely bruised, heartbroken by life, by loss. 15 months ago my partner, my boy’s father, the man we love died. life as we knew it, hasn't been the same and never will. i feel this sadness that overwhelms my entire body, leaving my heart aching and my soul empty. making me feel weak and tired and yet i can't even sleep because the sadness is in my dreams too. it's a sadness i feel i can't escape. this is the sadness i feel for the lost of my partner and then there's this horrible sadness i feel for my two boys. for the first time in their life's, i can't mend their broken hearts. i just can't fix it and that tears me apart. all i can do is continue to do what the three of us are doing for each other and that is, show each other love, lots and lots of love, guidance, patience, and support. we are climbing this mountain of sorrow, lost and confusion. healing at our own pace, climbing slowly one day at a time and when that seems more than we can bare, we take it one minute at a time...

our hearts and souls will never be the same. our lives will never be the same. our puzzle will never be complete, because he's the missing piece.

i know we have a long, long mountain to climb. i also know that the darkest and hardest days are not over. i know we'll never ever heal from this. we'll always be heartbroken that enrique is no longer with us. our hearts will always feel that emptiness, that void but we are trying to be at a place where it won't be so hard to breathe because of the pain we feel.

enrique was right and so was my son!!!

i should try my best to document every day of our lives. even if i don't think it's important. so, from now on enrique, i will try my best to document everything...


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

first day...

first day of learning to let go!!! i listened to an inspirational conference call today and it made so much sense to me. today, i begin pruning at my life. letting go of anything or anyone that no longer serves a positive purpose in my life or my boys life. learning to let go and forgive people that have or choose to bring negativity into my life or my boys life without feeling like a bad person. letting go is so much harder then it seems, but i have faith. taking it one day at a time...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


Are you living or just existing??? I was asked this question today by a dear friend and its had me thinking all day...

Thursday, April 28, 2011


why do i wait so long to update this blog? i know there's so much for me to post. i think it's because, i get caught up with everything else that i forget. going to try my best to take a few minutes to post on here..... i hope.

my monkey's are in baseball this year and their loving every minute of it. we live at the field, we load and unload equipment every single day except sunday's. i'm sure if there was a way for them to have me at the park on sunday's, they would be thrilled.... silly boy's. dominic plays for the texas rangers and jake for the oakland a.

dominic turned eleven this month and spent it doing one of the many things that makes his heart happy, at the dodgers stadium.... he was a happy camper!!!! it makes my heart so heavy and so sad to see them grow up so fast, i hope they realize by now, they can never leave me...

i'm off to make them some fresh lemonade.

Monday, February 28, 2011

boys, boys and more boys...

my house was filled with lot's of boys this weekend. i had four of my nephews spend the whole weekend with us, plus my two boys equalled lot's of cooking & dish washing. it was very nice to have them here and the boys enjoyed having there teenage cousins company. we were all able to hang out, eat a lot, watch movies and the boys enjoyed playing there cousins ps3. i loved having them here....

Saturday, February 26, 2011

way to long....

where do i start? it's been so long since my last update, so let's just start with what i can remember to blog about....

1. the boys have started baseball season this month
2. our computer has decided it no longer wants to function
3. my iron has also decided it no longer wants to function
4. our blender decided to join the iron and computer and go on strike
5. i now have to go out and purchase a new computer, iron and blender
6. dominic no longer has long hair, over 16 inches of hair has been donated
7. i've actually been using my scrapbook stuff
8. valentines day was nice
9. i really haven't been using my camera, will regret that later
10. getting my finances in order and it feels so great
11. enrique finally cleaned my bike, and i'm taking advantage of it and riding it
12. going to the gym more often
13. received a gift from Enrique from the coach store

will be back tomorrow with more.... Hopefully

Friday, October 29, 2010

Etsy Update

I`ve updated my Etsy shop with several items. Take a look.